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| Post subject: Fan Feedback |
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 Posted: Mon Jan 25, 2010 1:38 pm |
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Very nice! I like it.
There are a few errors scattered through it, but nothing fatal. "Billions" in paragraph one should be singular, "billion". "Humanities prejudices" in paragraph three should probably be "Humanity's prejudice". Stuff like that.
"...the separated tribes of man re-united with one another. The first order of business: war. " Wow, very well expressed. Cool. (I think I'd have capitalized 'War', and the phrase "with one another" is unnecessary - less is more, y'know.)
Also, the circular nature of this piece reflects the BSG theme "All this has happened before..." Another very cool element of your work. Again, well done!
Write. Re-write. Proof-read.
I'm looking forward to reading more of your stuff.
RangerLord
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| Posted: Mon Jan 25, 2010 2:40 pm |
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Thank you, RangerLord. Appriciate the feedback and quite useful pointers. (MS spell check just doesn't cover everythin') Very excited to learn you can edit after posting! 
_________________
"It was an unknown unknown!"
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| Posted: Mon Jan 25, 2010 8:05 pm |
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I like it Gin Rummy, I'm very interested to see where this is going. Your first post was very thought provoking. Other than the few grammatical errors I saw i can say I put it on par with some of the published work I've seen.
_________________
There's an easy answer to certain kinds of idiocy and evil in this world...
The proper use of supersonic ammunition.
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| Posted: Mon Jan 25, 2010 9:06 pm |
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I agree with Ranger and Haz - a very nice, intriguing start!
I look forward to more.
Welcome aboard, soldier!
_________________
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| Posted: Mon Jan 25, 2010 9:25 pm |
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Thank you Hazend and Eaglestar. I really appriciate the feedback, and I too look forward to seeing where your story has gone. Will post more here when prepared, if thats alright.
_________________
"It was an unknown unknown!"
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| Posted: Thu Jan 28, 2010 7:46 pm |
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Gin, your first post of Chapter Two, "Ghost", is darkly poetic. Great imagery!
_________________
Guns don’t kill people. Drivers with cell phones do.
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| Posted: Thu Jan 28, 2010 7:57 pm |
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Agreed Gin,
Keep it up!
_________________
There's an easy answer to certain kinds of idiocy and evil in this world...
The proper use of supersonic ammunition.
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